WAVES FALL TO EARLS VIA OFFSEASON CONSPIRACY
The Fighting Blue Waves of Dave Waivers University fell just short of sweeping their three local trophy games, losing to the Earls of Earl Pickswell University, 161-154. The Waves slipped to 5th after the loss. "Well, obviously, this is complete horseshit," remarked a chagrined Dave Waivers University Head Coach Dave Waivers. "Why'd we lose? Because the haters in our division got sick of us winning with defense last year, so they relentlessly whined at the commissioner all off season until he gave in to shut them up." The new defense scoring rules were clearly the major contributing factor in the loss. Waivers gambled by playing Notre Dame's defense a week after the Irish's surprise home loss to MAC opponent Northern Illinois. In saner times, his gamble would have paid off. Notre Dame's suffocating defense stifled a hapless Purdue, holding the Boilermakers to just seven points and 164 total yards, while registering four sacks, two t