The Waivers Wrap - By Sue Nami

Waiverton - Waves fans everywhere were celebrating Saturday night as Dave Waivers University defeated its "Old Rival" 152-143, retaining the prestigious Danville Anvil trophy, unambiguously the single most coveted rivalry trophy in all of sports, real of fake. 

At the final whistle, tens of thousands of inebriated hillbillies spilled onto the turf, a sweating, writhing proletarian mass, jubilant in its ecstasy, chugging homemade corn distillate, and lobbing bottles of its urine at the exiting Wintergreens!! players and staff. 

"This one is for our fans!" screamed Dave Waivers University head football coach Dave Waivers in his on-field interview with ESPN's Holly Rowe.  "And also for our players, our coaches, our staff, our backroom staff, Nils Bagman and his player retention team, and our friends in the desert, who seem to know more than they should about Wintergreens U sidelines signaling."

After politely refusing several mouthfuls of unidentifiable liquor from Waves fans for "PepsiCo-related contractual reasons," Waivers found himself hoisted on the shoulders of his offense lineman and bidden to lead the thronging hordes in a rendition of the school's fight song.  After steadying himself on the shoulders of his players, Waivers called for silence.  Leading a rapt choir of 50,000 voices, he began quietly at first, only slowing building to a frenetic crescendo, singing:


"On the banks of the old Otuatoochee, stands a school that’s fair and true

Let all proclaim her glorious name, and boldly wave her royal blue,

Rah! Rah! Rah!

Hail Varsity! Hail Varsity!

Waves crash right through that line

Beat U! Beat State! Beat Tech! Beat Greens!

We will conquer every time

Sis! Boom! Bah!

All her foe-men fear the name that we so proudly toast

And with our box formation

The Anvil will be ours to boast

Hike! Hike! Hike!

Keechee-karoo Keeche-Karoo

Cheechaw-Cheechaw, Hullabaloo!

Weewah Cheechaw Weewah Rah Rah

Rootin’ Tootin’ Rah! Rah! Rah!

The waves will fight with all of their might

Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight

Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight

Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight

Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight

Fight!”

A heartbeat of silence followed the song before a deafening tumult rose high above Waiverton Stadium Brought to You By RealTree Camo, and into God's heaven.

The 6-1, division-leading Waves face off against Huskers-Westgate leader, and current league high-scorer, Skers, in the most highly-anticipated matchup of the weekend. The game kicks off at 12AM Sunday, Ho Chi Min City time.

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