The Waivers Wrap - Week 5

A elated Dave Waivers strode into the press room following his team’s 144-85, come-from-behind victory over Howie Koachemup in the annual E-Town Beatdown rivalry.

“There’s nothing like winning a rivalry game,” said the positively giddy DWU head coach, “and there’s nothing better than coming from behind.”

“That’s what she said,” came a disembodied voice from within the Wavy Dave mascot costume, stationed near the podium.

“Good one, Dave,” said Waivers, who fistbumped the mascot while peering through its breathing hole.  “Is that a girl in there? Lewd jokes from a girl.  What a world we live in.”

Waivers returned to the podium and continued, “I just wanted to give a shoutout to my defense, who held that rascal Howie to a season-low 85 points.  Not that you can play defense in fantasy, of course, but nevertheless.  And I want to call special attention to the new line of delicious...[Waivers narrowed his eyes and strained to read the hand-written card a student manager was holding off-stage]…hastag Diet Mt. Dew HallowScream energy drinks.  They’re frighteningly good.”

Waivers then covered the mic with his hand, but could still be heard to say to the mascot, “that’s how you make 5,000 bucks the easy way, little lady.”

Waivers took questions from the press, which centered mostly on substitutions taking place in the fourth quarter when HKU still had the lead.

“You brought on your west coast players—UCLA’s D. Thompson-Robinson, ASU’s R. White, and Oregon State’s B. Baylor—quite late in the game,” asked a reporter from a dying local publication. “They’ve been your highest and most consistent scorers all season.  Why wait until 10:30pm EST to insert them into the action?”

“Well,” Waivers countered, “I always like to give the opponent a false sense of security from the get-go.  That way, he gets nice and complacent.  Then, when he’s clean outta moves, I play the aces up my sleeves.  All he can do it watch helplessly as his lead shrinks and vanishes.  It’s a truly delightful feeling—one of the great joys of coaching.”

The Fightin’ Blue Waves will look to anesthetize upcoming Huskers Conference foe In the Deed, The Glory this Saturday.  A win over ITDTGU would find them back at .500 and in a position to challenge for a spot in the playoffs, but it’s no sure thing.  Nine DWU players are sidelined by byes this week, plus Nebraska’s M. Stepp, who might as well be.

“Look, I get the negativity.  We’ve hit some rough waters.  But I’m starting like the flow of these Waves.”