The Waivers Wrap - Week 1

 The Waivers Wrap - By Sue Nami

The mood was festive at the Chester Cheetos® football office complex on the Dave Waivers University Campus following the Fightin' Blue Waves 174-164 victory over cross-division stalwarts, Skers University.  As the Waves topped the league's scoring charts this week, head coach Dave Waivers appeared at the post-game press conference swinging a large pair of chrome TruckNuts in circles over his head. 

The TruckNuts, emblazoned with a royal blue enamel DWU logo and encrusted with diamonds, are normally presented on the sidelines to players who have recently forced a turnover.  "But I felt like I earned these bad boys, " said Waivers, "on account of being league top scorers and all."

"We had a real close one today--we needed BT Potter to step up and make some big kicks, and he did," said Waivers, referring to the placekicker who overcame the Waves 1.3 point deficit coming into last night's Clemson/Georgia Tech game. "'BT' stands for 'Big Time', that's what I told him as I was taking these celebratory TruckNuts from him.  Ain't these neat?  My buddy Ross down at the chop shop made 'em by hand."

When a reporter from USA Today revealed to Waivers that the Waves had in fact been outscored by in-conference rival Rostersmith U in their game against Mac Bob, Waivers hurled the heavy chrome item at him and shouted at him to leave the press room.  

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The Waves looked to have assembled a talented lineup this season, with last year's top scorer for the Waves--UCLA QB Dorian Thompson-Robinson--returning with a stellar, 42-point performance against Bowling Green.  Boston College's dynamic playmaker Zay Flowers turned in a 32-point showing in a one-point loss to Rutgers, while Alabama's defense shut out hapless Utah State, while holding the Aggies to only 136 total yards.

Elsewhere around the lineup, starting QB Tyler Shough of Texas Tech was driven from the game in the first quarter after reinjuring his right shoulder.

"I'm not worried about Tyler.  We can stash him 'till he's ready to come back.  I am worried that one of these other snake teams gonna try to weasel his backup on the wire like some henhouse fox...Wait, I didn't say that, don't print that."

Waivers will have some tough lineup decisions to make, as multiple players who turned in average performances this week face tantalizing matchups the next.

"I may throw some darts, so to speak.  We've got a bit of a logjam at running back right now, so we'll see which one of them logs can break itself free from the blockade and float free down the river to the sawmill...you know what, I think this metaphor's gotten away from me."

The Waves are on the road for a second straight game this week, as they travel west to face the University of Mac Bob.  Kickoff is scheduled for 11am Central.



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